Some of us may have trepidation about the economy and thus, our safety, homes, and future.  Some of us may worry about the future of Israel and world opinion, and thus fear for Israel or Diaspora Jewry.  Some of us may be suffering inside, perhaps only aware of it rarely, but can feel and know they are not the person they feel like deep inside or want to be.  Whatever the reason, deep down the questions that gnaw at us are those of existential yearning: who am I?  What is my purpose?

                 It’s not so difficult to see that the world is in transition: climate change (rising & more severe weather changes, magnetic pole alignment, abnormal animal activity & new diseases, etc.), economic rumblings (unemployment, loss of assets/securities, global recession), corporate greed, gas & energy shortages (in Europe especially), rising terrorism, increased international tensions, nuclear threats, food shortages, polarization between peoples & increasing division in communities/nations, a sharply rising spike in gun/ammo/military sales over the last year in the US especially (and even more remarkable are the sales from the last couple months), apocalyptic fears (2012, day of judgment, climate change, war, UFOs), increased anti-Semitism & anti-Israeli sentiment (yes, even here in the US; it’s been on the rise over the last year especially when public opinion almost did a 180), growing distrust of "others" and hatred of various groups or peoples, a growing mistrust of government/business/media (which includes the growing divisions of people claiming all X is biased, but my Y source is not; this is where those groups often clash and see themselves as morally superior, and the other as evil or misinformed), groups that openly declare their goals to destroy (several anarchist groups trying to bring down the economy, hackers & viruses, neocons trying to frustrate the economy to fight “increased socialism”, etc), and a host of other changes that vary from group to group as “signs of the coming” conflict/messiah/end/whatever.

                 Looking at that list, one might say: “Oh no; they’re right!” just as easily as another might say, “So, uh, what else is new?”  Panic and relative calm seem to be natural cycles of human emotions; the more panic we exude, the more panic others pick up on (it’s the same principle with animals and the “secret” of the “Dog Whisperer”: the energy you project influences the behavior of the animal; coincidentally, in Judaism this was taught millennia ago – one could refer to the book of Jonah for instance or in the writings of the rabbis who teach that if an animal is aggressive, before being put down it should be transferred to another owner since animal dispositions change).  Some people like to sell things and make fantastic claims about this concept ignoring the fact that people (and animals) are free to interpret and respond to the energy & disposition we give off (there’s no magic formula or secret method, sorry!) – and they have the best “out” for when it doesn’t work, “you didn’t do it right” (and the cynic follows it with: “just give me your credit card and I’ll give you the next lessons”).  Nevertheless, fear, pain, and worry are powerful forces that can confuse, disrupt, stagnate, and otherwise help a person to feel disconnected, muddled, or otherwise “not themselves.”  Pain is the most obvious example as anyone can think back on their own experiences or cite that rescue workers often talk about how those they rescue will often fight them.  This is the point where people put their trust (or faith) in varying things.

                 Now, I’m not going to say that you can’t ever trust a doctor or your family or your religious community or even your country.  We generally operate on statistical probabilities: the doctor has helped me most times I’ve gone, so likely he can help me get rid of this, my family fights me a lot, but ultimately when push comes to shove they help out, etc.  Granted, we don’t always actualize these thoughts as we tend to do that with those we don’t trust, so we think through our analysis: “wait a minute, this doctor has helped a couple times, but the amount of money, time, and energy as well as his/her manners and the fact I haven’t gotten much better over time; I think it’s time to get another opinion.”  In the end, all of us know that no one can depend on anyone 100% of the time; trust will always be broken by those we love.  In other words, humanity and our institutions are flawed and we know this.  Sure, some of us deny hard reality written plain as day in history, but even they know that they are arguing theoretically about a possible future (if such-and-such [their own vision of the world & how it should work] were implemented, then…!) – perhaps arguing classically that man is only flawed when coming together to form institutions.

                 In any case, this is one reason the “desire for a savior” is so strong and almost universal (albeit, it is more prevalent among those who hold a stricter view of the world; that is, their view is the right one; even among those who don’t await a savior and are more comfortable with mystery, ultimately seek redemption or enlightenment/unification).  So we create superheroes with or without superpowers, as well as all manner of other types of saviors, and have done so universally in human history.  There are two basic schools of thought: ( A ) this is a primitive brain function that can only be removed by letting go of “religious” morality and instead function based solely on “natural” law and animalistic desires, or ( B ) this is a universally ingrained trait, by design or naturally, that drives humanity to embrace its sublimity, unity, and spirituality.

                 Before delving into the two schools, it may be wiser to instead boil everything down to a more common denominator.  At the one end there’s the realization that there is no penultimate source of trust or goodness in this world.  After all, people have abused us, institutions failed us, governments have enslaved or tricked us, and even nature itself seems to sometimes lay waste and destruction before us.  And in the end, even the person who became emperor of the world with all the grandest monuments, most prolific poetry & biographies, all manner & number of descendants, etc. could all be destroyed and completely forgotten – even just by the sheer forces of nature!  Well, in this case of course the choice is clear: get, get, get.  If nothing matters in the end, only the results we can enjoy now matter (and thus, all disconnectedness stems from the unnatural morality of humans as some of the radicals of school A would say and encourage us to be more like animals without remorse – in fact, serial killers display this trait!). 

                And yet, the folly of that idea is not the “enjoy the moment” which is wiser than one may think, but rather it’s the fanciful notion that somehow the results and things we desire will ultimately satisfy us.  When we understand it is satisfaction that becomes the core value (the value that the person lives their life according to in the decision making calculus), we understand now the deep longing for a savior: to bring ultimate peace and satisfaction to the soul.  We know intuitively and from experience that certain things encourage more of that same behavior.  If one drinks water to quench thirst, they are wise.  If they drink soda to quench thirst, they are misinformed or unwise (soda & even many juices contributes to thirst).  In the same way, a person who takes medication to better their health benefits from it, while those who take it for some other purpose often become addicted (physically and/or psychologically dependent).  Shopping is a classic example in our materialistic world: just watch those MTV shows about diva teens and you can plainly see it becomes an addiction and a right, but it started with its source in providing some level of comfort, joy, or satisfaction.  That is, those things that tend to give us the greatest temporal pleasures are those that we conform our lives to (work, raising/having children, spouse/lover, fame, wealth, prestige, acclaim for one’s accomplishments, and other vanities).  There’s plenty more, but hopefully these serve as diverse enough examples.

                 Behavior tells us a lot about other people’s values, yet it is often neglected in our own thoughts about ourselves – rather, we tend to evaluate the results of those behaviors as indicative of whether we’ve succeeded or failed (thus, the overriding value over behavior – which may still be a value to the person – becomes the results of said behavior, that is usually the value of satisfaction or pleasure combined with the degree of risk to which one is comfortable; thus a person might be tempted to murder to get away with millions, but the risk-aversion may be high due to the social stigmas and consequences they’d face if caught – regardless, it depends on the individual’s assessment or value-calculus).  Thus, most sane people realize that they live good and relatively happy lives, but will always feel at some sort of loss – so again, the values of pleasure or at least for comfort, will then be natural for the person to want a savior, a community, or even just some leader to fix or change things.  And so they may be the type who is involved in politics, social action, PTA, etc. and still hope for something beyond themselves (whereas the person who has almost no choice but to work all day and even into the night, may think the community organization or the government will eventually save or help them out).  In other words, no matter how much we try, at some level we realize the harder we try or more we do or more things we involve ourselves with, still leaves us only wanting more and perhaps more despondent over the future, seeing the failures or shortcomings (even with success often comes unforeseen problems to then try to fix and so on) of the efforts they see and do.

                  It’s no accident that Torah is replete with admonitions and praises to G-d because in G-d we can trust, but we cannot trust in princes, man, or even the son of man (Psalm 118:8-9, Num 23:19, Hosea 11:9, Psalms 146:3-5, Job 9:32, Job ch 38, 1 Sam 15:29, Psalm 30).

                 Here’s the stark reality: either everything is as was said above, which is pointless or there is a good G-d in whom we can trust.  In other words, without a perfect, good, holy, Infinite, and Mysterious G-d who is the Source there is ultimately nothing worthy of our trust and no redemption ever possible.  Even if there was a god, but was like us – what trust could we have (even Zeus, right?!).  If a god came and changed his/her mind a few times, saying “don’t do this” who then forces people (i.e., no free will) to disobey or who changes their mind (saying “don’t do this” and then later says, “no really, it’s ok now; I was just being dramatic last time”), then why should we trust that this god is good or any better than a person, a mortal, who also changes their minds and rules of how to interact with them?

                 Unfortunately, some people – even and dare say, especially the religious – just don’t live this way, even though many are aware of this idea.  We bend the rules and our conscience because we fear the results and preemptively ask for G-d’s forgiveness “for what I’m about to do.”  Or we’ve been abused so long that we fear G-d is ultimately abusive too – we fear and have worries & anxieties because we just don’t believe things will get better or at least see that more immediately things will get worse before becoming better.  We put our trust in a political party or social system or capitalism or socialism or what-have-you, thinking that by changing or refining said system, we can breathe easier.  Some of us Jews put our hope in the US to stand behind Israel thinking as long as the US is our ally, we will be safe – but more fear that Israel will be attacked as if by ravenous wolves, if the US were to ever withdraw its support (and a day may come when it doesn’t or when it drops us and Russia or China then hurry to us).  Or, at Israel solidarity rally’s the audacity of our leadership to proclaim we can trust in their will and in the strength of Israel’s citizens & soldiers to overcome misplaces hope and trust in G-d to the “power of our own hands” (Deut 8:17 with a warning that calamity may follow that attitude); though often to be fair, they will also make veiled references to HaShem or will bring religious speakers to do so at these events, but even then the prevalence seems to be trusting in our morality or in tikkun olam (repairing the world through good deeds & obeying Torah), rather than directly in G-d’s sanctity and mercy (in conjunction with mitzvoth of course).

                 “For not because of our rightness do we lay our supplications before Thee, but because of Thy great mercy” (Daniel 9:18; evening Selihoth from 2 Elul to 8 Tishrei) will sound familiar to those acquainted with the siddur (prayer book) and will no doubt think to the countless times in the siddur, in the Torah, and in our Jewish education we have learned that G-d’s mercy and holiness are the penultimate source (not our merits, nor the merits of our forefathers, though all that can help but that ultimately we always fall short.  This is why our prayers for mercy usually include Psalm 130).  So even though we know this, just like we “know” not to commit idolatry (which includes mental images of G-d), we often still find ourselves expressing our thoughts or ideas in these ways.  Perhaps it’s only societal conditioning and in our hearts it was correctly formulated, but even so our behaviors and actions is what matters most, not only because of what we prior discussed, but because Torah is quite clear on this matter – and not only that, but it is inaccurate and we must be careful what we teach or affirm, even if only to ourselves.  What we think, say, and do affect us immensely (cognitive therapy suggests that distorted thoughts contribute to our psychological ails).

                 Rabbi Twersky writes in his commentary to the daily morning prayers, specifically the portion of Psalms 20:8-10, “The person who trusts in his own power is crushed when his power fails him.  The person who trusts in G-d may indeed totter, but is never destroyed.  With G-d at his side, he can always rise again.  True salvation is only with G-d.”

                 The themes of suffering, loss of control, and messianic & apocalyptic longings are discussed in previous entries here on this blog and very specifically in the last 2 entries should you want more on that.  Suffice to say, when we feel powerless or are disappointed by our achievements, there are different tendencies for each person (anger, guilt, shame, audacity, escapism, etc.), but they revolve around the idea that we feel disconnected or are apart from the world.  Often, this leads the person to neglect what they can change in themselves (our real power; instead hoping for a savior) in favor of trying to control the world around them (telling their spouse/lover how to live, solving the “world’s problems” at the dinner table, expressing the will to punish those who they’ve labeled as the opposition, threats of physical violence against their kin for “transgressions”, subtly manipulating their boss for a raise, creating drama in social circles to attract attention or sympathy, demanding or expecting help or anything from others, escape to entertainment, trying to find meaning in virtual worlds, and of course having the sense of moral or other type of superiority that breeds this and other attitudes).  In other words, the person finds they have to try even harder and believe even more in the power of their own hands, realizing if they’ve failed along with others, then after a while the attitude of “fuck others, I’m #1” becomes natural.  Like before with pleasure, the attitude of superiority (usually from that sense of inferiority, whether they are aware of it or ignore it) fuels itself and contributes to false senses of security and righteousness.

                 Rabbi Twerski’s commentary on Psalms 100:2-3 from the daily morning service says, “If man is man and G-d is G-d, then we can be perpetually happy.  We must do all that is in our human means, and if things do not turn out the way we wished, that is not our fault.  We need not hold ourselves responsible for things that are beyond our control.  Much human misery results when man thinks himself to be G-d-like.  We often fail to see our own limitations, and we think we can control the world.  We are then unable to make peace with a world that is not to our liking.  If we only knew that G-d is G-d, we could worship him with gladness.”

                 In other words, we often fear the results of our work or actions, so we instead plan and strategize for the results we want.  When things inevitably don’t go our way, we have a difficult time coping with a world that is discordant with the ideal world or the “image” of a world we desire; thus it’s apparent one will respond in two basic ways, either by withdrawing or by asserting dominance – and usually both are done (just in different contexts; often when we assert dominance of others, we withdraw from our true selves and when we withdraw our dominance over others, we assert ourselves).

                 That’s not to say planning is bad or that one should not be aware of potential pitfalls, limitations, successes, mixed-results, and the like.  Even if one were not purposely trying to test G-d by waiting for deliverance or signs to act, it could still be considered testing and is nonetheless foolish.  A person can only act within their means; for G-d to hold us responsible for that which we are not would be unjust and that goes against the nature of a good G-d.  Thus, a wise person acts based on a variety of factors, but primarily judges their actions and intentions, while all else is tertiary - though important.  Our Jewish sages have repeatedly said in many contexts more or less that it is incumbent upon us to do the work, but finishing it and the results are not always up to us and that these are not our focus, but the work itself (Torah demands payment for instance to a hired worker that same day; it doesn’t qualify stating that if the results or goals weren’t met, that the employer can withhold the wages due as long as they did their work; how different than in today’s material/results-driven world, right?!).  A focus on results can be a snare for justifying the means and so this potential pitfall is good to be aware of continously (thus making it not the first priority helps us to achieve that also).

                 So to boil things down again, both sides agree a return to the source is what is healthy.  One can affirm this world is all accident – that is, there is no G-d – and thus, the best way to get in touch with self is to just do whatever one feels naturally or “animalistically” inclined to do.  Or one could trust that the real source is G-d and that we are made in G-d’s image.  Thus, Judaism teaches that repentance (teshuvah) is about returning to the pure part of the soul within all of us; it’s not a rejection of the self or a humiliation of it that says we are totally evil, rather it says that there is a holy spark in everything in this world and our job is to elevate it.  Sure, sometimes the spark is covered in darkness and seeks to consume other light, and so unfortunately we are forced to try to protect those lights.  Thankfully, repentance and forgiveness are always possible with the All-Merciful G-d.  Thus if G-d is the source, then the only thing that we can really do is look inward and examine ourselves, present ourselves humbly before G-d and ask for a relationship, and to try to live and act in a manner befitting a servant of our Parent, King.  It doesn’t excuse us from communal obligations or to try to help others, but to do so in the manners G-d prescribed and with humility, rather than a notion of supremacy (I grant thee this benevolent charity; I bestow my knowledge to you and you must accept it, lest you burn in hell; My way is the only way and I’m sure). 

                 In Judaism, let’s say you wanted to comfort a bereaved friend, so you sit patiently and wait for them to talk, you ask few questions about their loved one and speak even less, etc.  In other words, the person defers and waits for the bereaved to speak.  Someone might just come in otherwise and tell this person, “So-and-so is with G-d now; it was their time and no one ever knows why things happen.  Don’t worry, you’ll get through this – everyone does; it just takes time” and the person rebuffs them or starts crying.  The person can honestly say they were “just trying to help” but truthfully were more meddling.  They felt they knew what was best for the person even before the other person could say anything.  That is arrogance and thus it’s natural for people under duress to fight or become defensive or emotional when a person interjects and wants to solve their problems; to demean the person who acted arrogantly or to feel demeaned (usually people respond based on esteem; those with high esteem will usually fight back while those who submit their wills will feel downtrodden or abused).  In chronic illness support groups a common complaint is how everyone they met tells them they “need to do this” without even having asked or listened first (let alone fully listened or inquired); that they feel insulted, as if the person thinks they haven’t tried a variety of ways to help and usually did not show any concern prior (they didn’t call or help before).  We all know that we can stick our neck out or try to do something good only to have it backfire and even cause more problems.  It’s not always malevolence, often it’s simply habit, ignorance, or temperament (and usually after being rebuffed, the strong willed person projects upon the “weaker” as being ungrateful or foolish, so they tend not to change or respect even another strong-willed person who expresses their boundaries – instead taking it as a challenge to their authority; the person who submits to others, tends to fight back passively trying to control their world through others who they see as abusive, domineering, and misguided – often failing to truly perceive what they can control because they are caught in a struggle of wills and so they believe they have to fight so as not to be abused even more or again).  Most of the time, people "do right" in the own eyes so the intention is usually not always bad.

                 The more fear we have of all those things we mentioned above are because we have invested in them and put our trust in them (Psalm 30:7-8).  When our stocks plummet, we worry about our retirement – because that was our plan, our trust in the future.  When we lose our jobs, we worry about the rent and food because it was our job that provided us with the money, right?  The more we remove G-d from our daily lives, the more disconnected we can feel and the more fears that naturally result.

                 This is not so obvious to most people.  Years ago I would approach this skeptically, usually decrying that they are selling us on their version of G-d or religion.  Admittedly, I relished in the world and partook of many pleasures only to find that as time went on, no matter how “bad” I acted (that is, like an animal) it only made me want more and feel so empty inside (or getting angry and wanting to destroy things; funny how people associate destruction with power.  In Torah, power is with creation and mercy; for destruction is not ever the ideal).  I happily found an “antidote” in existentialism, only to find that I fail myself more often that I had thought; that the meaning and purpose I assigned myself, the morals & values I thought right, etc. were just as flawed (reason after all is easily manipulated; we can rationalize anything!). 

                 Returning to Torah and becoming more and more shomer mitzvoth helped, but more so was the understanding and the connections made with my community, but also Jewish history.  Realizing human drives and desires have remained more or less the same throughout history and that our patriarchs & matriarchs had the same problems and why they felt as they did – the learning about human nature from Torah is itself healing.  I realize non-Jews may be reading this and thinking, “Aha!  You’re trying to convince us to become Jews!”  No, my friends, we actually discourage conversion to Judaism; G-d created you and you can have just as good and meaningful relationship with G-d as a Jew.  There’s no inherit inferiority, rather we each should strive to be “our best self.”  True, Judaism does say there are 7 basic laws every person should follow which are pretty much universal anyway: no murder, no incest/adultery, no blaspheming, no idolatry, not to steal, not to tear the limb off an animal for food or consume its blood, and to establish courts/system of justice.  Otherwise, Jews have many, many more commandments to follow (thus the wisdom of the rabbis who tell Gentiles over the years, “why make it harder on yourself?  It’s easier for you to be righteous as a Gentile than to try to be a Jew and why – you can have a happy and meaningful life and relationship with G-d perhaps easier than remaining as you are; the harder part is not always knowing the limitations or the ideal world, which is in G-d's hands).

                 Rabbi Hayim Halevy Donin writes it well in “To Pray as a Jew” on pg. 180, (highly recommended reading): “There are, of course, religions that claim to be universal, but are in reality parochial.  Their “universality” is not expressed by extending their theological umbrella and spiritual protection over the rest of the world, as does Judaism, but, on the contrary, they espouse creeds that insist upon spiritual hegemony.”

                 The point to telling you what helped me is to merely point out that it lead to a greater trust in G-d (and something that is a continual thing to do try do), not just because of awareness or thankfulness, but because the whole is greater than the sum of the parts.  That is, in many ways it’s helped or I found truthfulness.  It doesn’t mean I’m always happy or have solved all the answers.  It sometimes only comforts us and enjoins us to try to find comfort in mystery & paradox – that wanting all the answers is not always the answer.  That’s why the common denominator of people of faith, who are more or less those whom we look to or admire, is because of their trust in G-d.  Those that don’t after all, lose courage to do what’s right when the risks are high – as we’ve seen countless times in history and our own day.  The movers and shakers in this world are often those who have high trust – either in themselves, in others, in nature, in a higher power or something.  Thankfully, G-d often says He is with those of lowly stature, of suffering hearts, who are humble and contrite, even especially weeping souls.  So even though I know I could disagree with all this later, I still share because it's what I know now and so I want to keep learning and refining; to keep it as a sign post to myself, a marker along the journey.

                 Obviously, a sign of misplaced trust is arrogance – thus the self-righteousness of “religious peoples” who think they know how to judge the world with right & justice, who think they are G-dlike to pronounce judgments and exact punishments, and the like.  And perhaps why we find many passages about G-d humbling the arrogant and destroying all our idols (those things we trust in; so maybe the most powerful G-d acts through nature at times so all these troubled times may indicate to us, or should at least, our own limitations and frailty and that G-d is the Source); in fact, G-d doesn’t want to destroy, punish, and kill and that’s why Abraham (and thus we Jews continue the tradition) to ask G-d’s mercy on everyone, even the wicked – that they repent and be spared.  Judaism doesn’t revel in death or “G-d’s judgment” expecting and hoping in joy for such destruction and calamity – though it understands that one must sometimes do things we wouldn’t want to do defend life, but not to want to be G-d’s tool for vengeance or punishment (unlike we find in other religions, where holy warriors are venerated).  Judaism is a life-affirming religion.

                 There’s a story in the Talmud that I think bears some discussion, that of Rabbi Eliezer and Rabbi Yehoshua’s dispute, wherein R. Eliezer performs many miracles to prove his point, although the rest of the court of rabbis disagreed with his ruling.  G-d even agrees with R. Eliezer, to which R. Yehoshua responds by touching upon the themes of Deuteronomy chapter 30 saying “the Torah is not in Heaven” (that we need someone to get it for us), and so G-d laughed saying, “my children have bested me, my children have bested me.”  We often discuss this when talking about halakha and the rules of interpretation (exegesis of scripture), yet I think another point bears to mention.  I say this with all due humility, for the sages were highly regarded as pious.  Yet, we even scrutinize our patriarchs and matriarchs (not bringing judgment, but perhaps saying, “this is what it points us to”).  Maybe R. Eliezer here is symbolizing those who seek to prove their rightness before others (don’t we all remember a time when we’ve hoped for a G-dly voice to vindicate us and tell everyone we’re right and they’re wrong?); perhaps if he was indeed right about the halakha, he would instead try to discuss it in another way (reframe) or show his humility to the idea that the rules of Hebrew grammar and interpreting Torah are still the best means (because after all, if we just believed everything a person taught who performed miracles, there’s nothing concrete there; rather G-d gave us the rules and commands and said to listen to prophets, but not if they invalidated or dismissed any rule of Torah (Deut 13:2; 18)). 

                 I write this entry not to try to persuade, but to inform - to be there for those who want to look and are interested.  A growing number of people think of Judaism and Jews in negative ways which is unfortunate.  Some people may find this helpful or illuminating and others find this old hat or not right for them.  After all, in the perspective I have we each play a role – even the arrogant and cruel person – and can all have some hue of truth from the full spectrum of truth.  So in my mind, it’s thus about what person I really am.  As Ghandi said, “Be the change you want to see in the world.”  While I don’t entirely agree with the semantics (or with Ghandi), the point being that we can each really only be accountable for our own actions (in Judaism thus, if we fail to teach what we know or to help a poor person who asks for our help & we have the means, then we are accountable for our “brothers and sisters”; that is, personal responsibility does not infer that there is no communal aspect to our personal responsibility).

                 And, as a ray of hope (and a caution vs. charlatans) in Judaism it’s taught that G-d does nothing (shall we say, national or corporate in scope) without revealing it to G-d’s prophets first.  Well, in the absence of Torah-true Jewish prophets (like Elijah, who we still await to return) we might be able to assume that no calamity has yet reached its tipping point: the “repent and ___ happens or continue doing these things and ___ will happen.”   Me, I’m not sure what can specifically be done or how each person should act.  Rather, I try to trust in G-d’s providence and thus try to put my faith (emunah: active & existential conviction) & trust in G-d; which means returning to G-d and becoming more observant of Torah; these are challenges and I still have a ways to go.  When I blog, it’s primarily for me to sort out thoughts or challenge myself with hard questions – it’s for myself primarily – but if others want to read it, then great and if not, no hard feelings (after all, as time goes on and I change, I often look back at old writings and think, “oh, that’s not what I think anymore” – so if I know I change, then this should be in its proper context and time, making it more of a sign post along the road, rather than some definitive belief or teaching; of course sometimes I forget I “knew” something “way back then!”).  I recognize these things in me and find myself either going to far one way or the other, but like a see-saw I keep trying to find my balance and my true, inner self; so I know that these entries will be flawed in some way, I'll either have held back or tried too hard to prove a point or been too arrogant thinking I know what's right or be so worried about saying the wrong things, I say nothing at all.  In any case, we all are trying to find that balance and inner self.  So we continue and try.

                We all can hopefully agree: good times come and go, but eventually they do come back.  Good things will happen soon enough.  Let’s do what we can to ensure they do. 

Shabbat shalom!